My True Self
by Suzi Cutie
Summary: I'm sick of all these rumors. I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm someone I'm not. I'm sick of living in a world full of lies, I just want to be me, but I can't, and that's what hurts the most.
1. Another Year

_**Another Year**_

"_Another year..."_, Amu thought as she practically dragged herself toward to the pit of doom called "School". She then sighed, and looked up. Three boys were blocking her way, and it did _not_ please her one bit. She then looked over the scene that was unfolding in front of her. Two older boys were hovering over a small boy, who looked like he was about to start crying if she didn't do anything soon. To her dismay, she decided she was going to have to intervene so she could pass and not be late to school.

"Hey._"_ All three boys looked her way. "You're in my way_." _said Amu in an annoyed voice, she did not like dealing with this so early in the morning.

One boy looked at her and sneered, "What do you want?" he was wearing Seiyo Middle School's male uniform, which consisted of blue pants, blue jacket, and a blue dress shirt. He sported a green tie along with the lame uniform, not adding much flare. The other older boy was wearing the same uniform, excluding the tie, he decided to pipe in

"I-I think I know who she is!_" _ Both middle school boys looked her over again, and gulped. They were in huge trouble.

Amu was wearing a plaid skirt, black jacket with her dress shirt underneath, a cloth with a safety pin stuck through it on her sleeve, plaid leg warmers that matched her skirt, and her eye catching pink hair was somewhat pulled up into a high ponytail on the side of her head with a cross clip stuck in the front. They had stumbled over the infamous, Seiyo High school's _Hinamori Amu._

The young boy decided to pop out then, shouting "You're Seiyo High school's ultimate _Cool & Spicy_ student Hinamori Amu!" She rolled her eyes, the school year had just started and she had to _also_ deal with this. By that point, the two middle schoolers feared for their lives, yelling '_HINAMORI AMU?!"_ and started spouting rumors how she defeated soccer teams by herself, and got all high schools in the Kanto region to accept her without her paying a fee before yelling "WE'RE SORRY!_" _and ran for their lives. Amu then sighed, wondering who even started the rumors.

The young boy ran up to her then, and shouted excitedly " HINAMORI AMU! CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?!"

She just sighed, shook her head before glaring at the boy as she walked by " _You_ were in my way too kid." She was able to hear "_Cool & Spicy!"_ as she rounded the corner. This year was going to be a long one.

* * *

Amu sighed, staring out the window with her chin resting on her palm. She was listening to _more rumors of her. Some rumors included how her mother was a famous magazine writer and her father a gifted photographer. Amu's favorite rumor was how her boyfriend must be a super rich celebrity. She laughed to herself, she never had a boyfriend, not even a first kiss. No one ever bothered to get close to her. Her classmates chatted that she was far out of their league because she wore her uniform with such style and she acted __cool. Apparently that meant that they couldn't even speak to her, but they could stare at her to death. She was getting sick of everyone assuming who she was. __No one knew who she truly was, no one._

When the bell rang, she was extremely glad to get out of the stuffy environment and bolted out the classroom door. As she sped down the hall, she bumped into a boy around her height that had platinum blonde hair and was wearing blue plaid shorts, and a plaid cover up that matched, over his black jacket and white dress shirt. She stopped and stared at him for a second.

"_He is so cute..."_ Amu thought for a second, before mentally slapping herself and whirling around and in an obnoxious voice, declared "Watch where you are walking!" before stomping off down the hall, leaving the blonde boy standing there confused, before he shrugged it off and picked up the items he dropped.

He then noticed one of the books there wasn't his, and was most likely the pink girl's that he had ran into. He decided to find out who she was, and would return it to her tomorrow.

"_Why did you act like that?!" _Amu yelled at herself. The whole reason everyone raved over her was because she acted exactly how she just did to the blonde boy. She didn't even understand how they thought she was cool. All she ever did was act like a jerk to everyone, and then be kind once in awhile. She shook her head, and continued yelling at herself as she walked home, as she walked up the porch steps she could already hear her little sister, Ami, singing and her father praising her every move.

She slowly opened the front door, and peeked inside. Ami was standing on the couch singing along to her favorite singer Utau Hoshina, who was having a concert broadcasting live. She looked around the room and saw her father was too preoccupied to notice her arrival. Thinking she was in the clear, she dashed to the stairs, and just as she was about to become out of view, she heard her mother shout.

"Amu! Come into the kitchen before you head upstairs!"

Amu cussed quietly to herself before turning around and walking into the kitchen, plastering the most innocent look on her face as she walked in, asking in the most sweetest voice she could muster, "Yes mother?"

"Look, I know you just started school and everything, but your father and I will be taking Ami for about two weeks to star in a mini-movie. We plan to be back as soon as we can, but I figured you are a big girl, and you can handle yourself. We will be leaving tonight after dinner."

Amu just stared at her mother for a good minute before spazzing. She could not believe it. A whole TWO WEEKS of freedom. She may have go that hell hole everyday, but she would be able to come home to a peaceful home, it was amazing, and she was excited for the coming two weeks.

Amu's mother sighed, seeing how crazy her daughter was acting, she knew she needed to step in. "But just because we will be gone, doesn't mean you will be allowed to slack. I expect the house to be clean when we come back, and everything still in order, and you most definitely are NOT allowed to slack in school."

Amu quickly nodded, running to the stairs shouting "I'm going to do my homework call me when dinner is ready!" Her mother sighed while shaking her head. "That girl..." was all she could say before turning back to the meal she was preparing.

* * *

Amu stabbed at her steak, while looking at the television screen. Her family was having its last family dinner before they would be separated from Amu for two weeks. They were all intently watching the current show, it was a fortune teller talking about guardian spirits, which was freaking Ami out. Amu just sighed, wondering if guardian spirits did exist, was one out there watching over her?

She thanked her parents for the meal, grabbing her dish and walking over to the sink washing it off, now lost in thought.

"_If there was one watching over me, why didn't it come and help me figure out what is wrong with me._

"_**Because thats something you need to do yourself!" **_another voice inside her head said.

_Well, I haven't done a very good job of it, if you could tell, these past 5 years I've been a social outcast and have yet to make a true friend. I have two years left of high school and i doubt it will change if i keep going on the way I am._

"_**Then do something about it." **_The voice challenged.

_Like What?_ Amu was starting to impatient with herself.

"_**Try and talk to someone, it won't hurt, and you may be surprised on what happens. You could start with the blonde boy, apologize for what you said to him today."**_

_Thats a pretty big step. I think I'll start with asking for a pencil._

The voice sighed, too tired to go in with this._** "Whatever Amu, this is your life, I'm just trying to help you move on with it."**_ before finally disappearing out of her head.

Soon after Amu's mother yelled to Amu still in the kitchen, "Amu! We need your help with the luggage, we are leaving!"

"Yea mom!" Amu shouted back, sighing as she helped them pack up the car, and waving goodbye as they drove off. A lonely feeling started to sink as she realized how lifeless her house was without her family.

Dragging herself back into the house and upstairs to her room and, plopping herself onto the bed. Curling herself into a ball and wrapping her arms around her knees, she can't help but pray to herself, "_If I do have a guardian spirit, or a would be self, please help guide me..." _as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Meeting the Prince

**Sorry for starting this and then not posting anything! I'm new to the whole writing thing, I get a lot of ideas but I tend to not be able to write them out how I see them. I wrote this seeing how i felt unhappy that I had started the story, and didn't even continue it. Its boring, but I have to build up to what i'm planning. Hope you enjoy :)**

I don't own Shugo Chara!

* * *

**_Meeting the Prince_**

Amu could feel the sun hit her face as it shined in on the room through my window. She rolled over and pulled the covers over her head and tried to go back to sleep, feeling miserable and not wanting to get up at all. Though reality started to hit her and she realized that she was most likely late for school. Shouting "O shit" as the girl jumped out of the bed and threw her uniform on, and then hurried to get ready for school. Looking at the alarm clock, she saw it read 7:50. _Yea, I'm going to be late she _screamed in her head as she ran out the door of home, forgetting to lock it.

As she ran to the school she saw another girl with pink hair just like her, but was darker, running like her life depended on it to the school. The girl looked oddly familiar, but she couldn't remember when she saw her. Figuring she wasn't that important, Amu pushed the thought out of her mind as she raced towards the school gate. She checked her watch, she had one minute left. Her stomach twisted in a knot as she realized she wasn't going to make it.

Just as she was about to give up hope, she felt a strong pull from her hand and she looked up to see a brown haired boy with emerald eyes and a dorky smile pulling her along with him to the gate. She could of swore that she felt her pace pick up tenfold. The impossible now felt possible as she and this unknown male dashed past the gate as the warning bell rang, closing the gate. Amu stopped and bent over, resting her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.

When she looked up again, she saw the brown haired boy smiling at her while standing up straight. She couldn't help but feel a twinge of regret for looking so stupid in front of the boy.

The boy seeing that Amu had no plans on saying anything soon, stepped forward reaching his hand out for a handshake said,"Souma Kukai, sophomore" Amu took this chance to look over him again. She saw he was wearing the same boys uniform that the blonde hair boy had been wearing, but he was taller. His light brown hair was unkept, but it matched the blazing determination found in emerald eyes. For some reason, she found that she couldn't look away. She found him extremely handsome, but in an odd way she wasn't attracted to him. She saw him more as an elder brother figure.

Realizing she had yet to say something, she stood up straight and looked away, folding her arms across her chest she mumbled,"Hinamori Amu, sophomore."

Kukai couldn't help but smile. He knew the girl was notorious for her "Cool & Spicy" attitude, but he could tell there was something behind that, but he didn't know exactly what. Deciding she was interesting he declared out loud,"Lets go!", grabbing her hand and dragging her deeper inside of the school.

Amu looked at the boy like he was insane. _What is he doing?! Is he going to bully me into giving him money? He doesn't look like it, but i'm sure he has something planned, why else would he drag me off? Someone save me, oh god._

As if her unspoken prayer had been answered, the blonde haired boy she had ran into the other boy came around the corner they were walking towards. She stared at him with a pleading look in her eyes, hoping the boy would understand that she was being forcefully dragged throughout the school.

It seemed though that he luck had run out. The blonde boy smiled and then said,"Kukai, what are you doing?" All Kukai did was shrug and continue to drag the helpless pink haired girl away. Just as they were about to be out of eyesight, the boy yelled,"Kukai wait! I need to talk to her!" Grinning, Kukai turned around, seeing his plan had succeeded,"Oh? You want to speak to her? Why didn't you just say so?"

Blushing, the blonde boy looked down saying,"Y-You two looked busy..., but this matter is more important, besides you are going to be late to class if you keep dragging her around."

Kukai just shrugged again, saying,"I would just say i had guardian business to deal with and they would let me off the hook. Anyways, take her Tadase I'm heading to class." He let go of Amu's hand and gave her a wink before heading towards his class.

Amu just blushed and felt slightly frustrated for being treated like a little girl. Realizing she was out of her "Cool & Spicy" attitude she quickly snapped into it. Thankfully the blonde was oblivious to that. Thinking of the blonde boy, she realized Kukai called him Tadase."Is there something you needed from me?" She asked him.

Tadase looked at her and nodded,"Would you follow me? I know you are still new here, and there has been changes to your schedule." Amu just gave him an emotionless look before walking past him to show that she would follow. Tadase frowned, he had just seen her blush and had some emotions when he ran into her and when Kukai was dragging her around._ I wonder if shes okay._ He thought to himself.

* * *

They walked to the second huge building the school had, which contained a magnificent garden. As Amu walked in she looked around in amazement, but not letting it show on her face. She thought it was the most beautiful garden she had seen. As they walked through it, she saw in the middle was a table and chairs that were lavishly decorated. The table had scones and cookies on it, along with a teapot and hot tea already poured for the two.

Tadase speaking broke her out of her trance of amazement,"Oh, I have your book from the other day by the way." He pulled it out of his bag and placed it on the table.

Amu froze. She really had no luck. The boy had happen to come across her private journal. The one that contained all her thoughts and feelings that she let no one know about. "Did you read it?", Amu was able to finally mumble. Tadase looked over at her, scared that if told her the truth she would fall apart. He had in fact the book, he couldn't help but be interested in the pink haired girl. He decided to lie for now.

"No, I decided it would of been rude of me to do that. It looked like a journal and I didn't want to intrude on your thoughts."

Amu sighed in relief, grabbing the notebook and shoved it in her bag, praying to the gods that she finally had _some_ luck. Tadase smiled, seeing for a split second the relief that the girl allowed to show on her face before she replaced it with her emotionless look. He could say it wasn't exactly emotionless, she looked bored. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Tadase spoke out as he handed Amu a paper that contained her new schedule.

"Thats your new schedule, I know it looks weird, but the principle requested that I gave it to you personally. I know it may seem harder then your older one, but you're going to have to attend all those classes and try to do your best. I believe he sees your potential and wants you to fit into the school better."

Amu stared at the schedule, it read:

_1. Honors - Anatomy_

_2. AP - Statistics_

_3. Honors - English II_

4. Honors - French II

_5. Home Economics _

_6. AP - US History. _

_7. Art_

_8. Physical Education. _

She frowned. She really hated how this school had 8 periods. She took four classes a day and it rotated in such a weird way that she couldn't keep track. Now she had to remember how her whole new schedule. The classes weren't exactly hard, but she had signed up for college prep classes so she could easily slide through high school. She had no plans for her future anyways.

Seeing Amu is distress, he decided to break the tension. "I already know who you are, but I'm Hotori Tadase."

Amu sighed, looking up and then froze for the second time today. _How had she not noticed how handsome this boy was?_

The boy had platinum blonde hair,which the sides near his face reached his shoulders, and violet with a pinkish hue eyes. He was taller then her, and was very slim. He had a caring look on his face currently, but she felt like she wanted to see all the emotions that could come across it. She felt like she had been shot by cupids arrow, and was falling hard for this boy.

"Amu? You okay?" He asked her.

"Ah, um, em, ah.. Y-yes!" She could not believe herself. She was stuttering. She _never_ stutters.

Tadase just smiled at her and nodded, then standing up from his chair and saying,"We missed the first couple periods sitting here talking, but a rally for the new year is starting soon, so we should head over to it. I would be honored if you would sit with me."

Amu squealed in delight in her head. Her new found prince was asking her to sit with him. She felt like she could run a marathon. Though before she could freak out she let her outer character take over. Also standing up, she looked away from him finally and brushed her hair off her shoulder and looked back at him. "I suppose since its the rally, don't expect me to talk to you."

She screamed in her head. **Come on Amu! That was your chance! You could of become friends with him! Maybe even more! Stop screwing up! **

Amu frowned, this voice was back to haunt her_ again._ _Whats that got to do with you? I need to protect myself. I wont allow anyone to get close to me._

The voice shouted at her again. **If you don't get close to anyone, then who will protect you when you can't protect yourself?**

Amu didn't reply to the voice. She had no idea. She had never thought of that before. She figured she was strong enough to always protect herself. She didn't need others. That's the whole reason she created this outer character. To protect herself from harm. No one needed to know how she truly was and take advantage of that.

**You will need to eventually break out of that outer shell Amu, and that time is coming soon, you will see. We will be here to help you when the time comes. **

_We? What do you mean we? _Amu asked the voice, but before the voice could respond, it was interrupted by Tadase. "Amu lets go, we are going to be late if we keep standing here."

Amu just nodded, coming back to the real world. She thought she might be going crazy if she was having conversations with a random voice in her head, but she looked over it. Maybe it was because she was so lonely. Maybe she would take up the voice's advise, she wouldn't want to start becoming crazy just because she refused to speak to others.

She followed Tadase out of the garden remembering they were heading to a rally. She sighed, she realized she had just remembered that she had absolutely hated rallies. They jam packed the gym with teens and it became hot. She couldn't skip this one though, it was the first one and it was mandatory for everyone to attend it. Sighing one more time, she and Tadase had just reached the gym doors. She pushed the doors open and walked through, ready to face a hour of pure torture.

* * *

**Hopefully I keep getting inspiration to write like I did to write this chapter and the previous. They are short compared to other stories, but I do plan on making them longer. :)**


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